A 26-year-old UPSC candidate shares his emotional journey after failing the civil services exam four times. He recounts the heartbreaking experience of selling years’ worth of study materials to a junk dealer for just Rs 464, a story that went viral on Reddit for its raw depiction of sacrifice and disappointment.
The emotional toll of spending years studying for the civil services test and then selling his books and study materials to a junk dealer for just Rs 464 has been discussed by a 26-year-old UPSC candidate. The candidate chose to abandon the test after four tries, including three consecutive Mains appearances in 2023, 2024, and 2025. This was the first time he has failed to make it to Mains; his most recent try ended at the Prelims stage.
“Yesterday I sold the last lot of it. The NCERTs I started with. Laxmikant. My very first test papers, the ones from when this whole thing still felt like a beginning instead of an ending. And a lot more,” he posted on Reddit.
These were more than just study materials to him. They stood for years of early-morning study sessions, multiple efforts, self-doubt, and the will to persevere. Each book served as a reminder of the person he had grown into throughout his time at UPSC.
“I put it all on one side of the kabadiwala’s weighing scale. And with every book that landed on that pile, something in me went numb. Hollow. Because that stack wasn’t paper; it was every mock I wrote for Mains, every Prelims test, every analysis sheet I made at 4 AM, and every page of notes in handwriting I used to be proud of. It was answers I’d corrected, rewritten, corrected again, trying to get one mark closer each time. It was effort. Years of it. Dear to me in a way I don’t think I can fully explain to anyone who hasn’t lived inside a UPSC prep cycle,” he added.
Significant personal and professional sacrifices had also been made as part of his preparation. He decided against accepting a high-paying position in 2022 because he thought he could pursue a career in the government services. He also experienced the breakup of a four-year romance throughout the years, but he kept beginning over and persuading himself to try again.
He was given Rs 464 in exchange. He might have negotiated for an additional Rs 100 or Rs 200, a neighbour informed him. However, the money didn’t seem to matter much at that point. He believed that the difference in the books’ scrap value was negligible because they had already failed to provide him with what he had finally desired from them.
A Look At Viral Reddit Post
He later donated the Rs 464 at a temple and concluded the post saying, “I took the Rs 464 and donated it at the temple. ” Not for merit, not for luck – for next time, there is no next time. Just to tell God, quietly: I still have a bigger heart than you did with me.”
His message struck a chord with online UPSC candidates and aspirants, many of whom stated they could identify with the stress, sacrifices, and emotional weariness that may accompany getting ready for one of India’s most difficult competitive exams.