Sleep Problems in Relationship: It is not easy for every couple to share the same bed. Health problems, snoring and sleep problems can cause tension in relationships, where understanding and empathy are very important.
Couples Sleeping Separately: Sleeping together in any relationship shows closeness and intimacy, but this experience is not the same for everyone. A 26-year-old woman, who is in a long distance relationship with her 28-year-old boyfriend, is struggling with the same dilemma. When the boyfriend comes to visit, he wants to sleep in the same bed, but for him this experience brings fatigue and restlessness instead of relaxation. Because of this the relationship has started feeling emotional stress.
The complexity of sleep and health
The woman has some chronic health problems, including a serious condition like MS (Multiple Sclerosis). Because of this he suffers from constant fatigue and sleeplessness. Often it takes him hours to fall asleep, he has to wake up repeatedly or keep changing sides. When she’s alone, she’s able to relax in bed with her cat and wait for sleep to come without any pressure. This is his safe and quiet time.
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When sleeping together becomes more difficult
The problem increases when the boyfriend is present. He spreads all over the bed, pulls the blankets and the biggest problem is loud snoring. These sounds are so loud and continuous that his attention cannot be diverted at all. To get sleep, he has to wear earphones and listen to loud music or videos, which causes pain in the ears and more fatigue. The result is that she feels irritable and physically broken.
Emotional expectations and misunderstandings
She understands that her partner wants to feel emotional closeness by sleeping with her. But he also feels that it is not right for his sleep and health to be harmed just because of this desire. The boyfriend falls asleep as soon as he puts the pillow, whereas it takes him hours. He doesn’t fully understand her health condition and sleep problems, which makes the woman feel unheard and misunderstood.
What is people’s opinion?
A girl shared her story on Reddit, on which people gave their opinion and said that why don’t both of you go to bed together, stick to each other and after some time go to the other room? Have you told him, “My medical condition makes it difficult for me to sleep in the same bed as you, so to ensure we both get the best sleep, I will have to sleep somewhere else”? If he doesn’t understand this, maybe you shouldn’t date him. Also, has he been diagnosed with sleep apnea or talked to a doctor about his snoring? Another user wrote that I too have similar sleep problems, but I am lucky that I am married to a man who is a very deep sleeper, so I don’t have to feel bad about tossing and turning on my phone while sleeping next to him. On very bad nights I’d go to the sofa or, when we had a guest bed, to it. He never felt bad. Sometimes if the dogs wake him up he goes to the sofa himself.
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