Are you ready to be hurt again? Another four-year cycle, another chance for England fans everywhere to ahead of what will – likely – be another 4-0 away Ashes defeat.
Why should this series be different? Why should England supporters, both avid and casual, bother tuning in when history is so certain that another failure beckons? As a reminder of the stats, England haven’t won a match, let alone a series, in Australia since 2011. Played 15, won zero, drawn two and lost 13 is their record in the last 15 years.
Well, the stars are aligning in England’s favour. Australia’s talismanic captain Pat Cummins is out injured, possibly until even the third Test, while his teammate . Between them, 600 wickets have been lost from the Australian line-up.
“It’s a capital D disaster,” explained experienced Aussie journalist Pete Lalor. “Australia’s lost its greatest advantage this series: and that was the bowling attack.”
News that Hazlewood would miss the first Test broke at Lilac Hill. As it filtered through the press tent, England Lions player Matt Fisher happened to be walking past and his head snapped in the direction of the conversation. Everyone knows how big an opportunity this is for the tourists.
That’s partly because, by contrast, England are close to reporting a full bill of health. Mark Wood, the forever injured X-factor bowler , and although by any sensible logic he shouldn’t play in Perth with only eight overs of bowling under his belt since he underwent surgery earlier this year, England sense an opportunity that with Cummins and Hazlewood out, now is the time to press every big red button they can.
Wood may not know it himself, but this could be a one-way mission for the fastest bowler in the world. Give everything, then sail off into the sunset broken, but victorious.
That England are able to consider such a short-sighted selection decision is down to the seam-friendly nature of the pitch at Optus Stadium in Perth. In recent years, Australian pitches have been increasingly weighted to fast bowlers with spin playing a diminishing role. As a result, England are weighing up two options.
The first is a five-man seam attack, which they hinted was Plan A when they named a team without a spinner for their warm-up match against England Lions. This would mean that all of Jofra Archer, Gus Atkinson, Brydon Carse and Wood play alongside Ben Stokes as the bowling attack. Wood and Archer have only ever played one Test together before. It would be the fastest bowling attack England have put out in recent memory.
Plan B involves Will Jacks. The five-man pace attack is an attractive option if it features Wood given his extreme pace. But if that fifth seamer were to be Josh Tongue, they may not be so keen. Which is where Jacks comes in.
Selected to extend the batting line-up and bowl some handy off-spin, he advanced his case with 84 runs in the warm-up game before clean bowling Joe Root with a beauty. At this stage, if England are to play a spinner, it is Jacks who is more likely to get the nod than Shoaib Bashir. Whatever they end up deciding, both England’s Plan A and Plan B will be unconventional team selections. They wouldn’t have it any other way.
For the first time since 2010/11, England arrive at the first Test on the front foot rather than the back. The top seven is settled, with the No 3 spot locked up by Ollie Pope after a fluent century match and a dominant 90 in the second.
By contrast, Australia look likely to name two debutants in their team in opening batter Jake Weatherald and seam-bowler Brendan Doggett. Both are 31 years old and fine players, but have jibes that have been directed at the Aussie camp. Cameron Green, at 26, is the only player in the Australian squad below the age of 30, with the expected XI set to be the oldest Test side to play in almost 100 years, with six players 34 or over. They are a fantastic team, and the fear for years has been what happens if, or when, their bodies start to fail. With Cummins and Hazlewood injured, we are about to find out.
The hype for the series will continue to build until the first ball is bowled in front of a packed Optus Stadium that holds 60,000 people. Across the duration of the series, it is reported that 40,000 travellers from the UK will make the trip over to Australia. Not all of those will be travelling for the cricket, but a hefty number will. Combine the excitement of the Tests, with the fact no travelling fans were allowed in 2021/22 due to Covid, and this is a trip of a lifetime for many.
“Everywhere you look it’s Ashes,” said Pope after the warm-up match in Lilac Hill. “Everyone is just so excited for it. Hopefully if I do get the nod on Friday, then it’s going to be an amazing series to be a part of.”
Three-and-a-half years of Brendon McCullum and Stokes’ reign has built towards this tour. Captains’ and coaches’ legacies are – fairly or otherwise – defined by what happens down under. This will be no different.