While co-hosting CBB’s Parenting Helpline programme, Blythe said of her experience, “I thought if I just say, ‘Look, if you don’t touch me, I don’t care. That’s how I felt at the time.’ Sex and relationship therapist Rachel Gold says that six months after childbirth, women often feel like they need to be intimate again.
She says, “I think it can fool people. They think it’s the right time to have sex. But that’s not true.” Holly explained that after the birth of her son, Alpha-Jax, in 2023, her sexual desire decreased significantly and she began avoiding any kind of intimacy. She says, “Whenever I expressed love to my husband Jacob, touched him or hugged him, he would look at it differently. But I did not want to have sex.” “I started looking at every initiative of my husband with a negative eye.”
Holly says that talking openly has proved helpful for her. According to her, “I started saying how I was feeling. I started saying whenever I hug you or touch you, don’t take it too hard. Because it makes me feel like pulling back and moving away. That made things better because the pressure was off.” But her husband Jacob started to fear that maybe Holly didn’t like him anymore.
Holly said, “I explained to my husband that you have to understand that this has nothing to do with you. That’s how I feel right now, but my feelings for you haven’t changed at all.” I said, “I don’t feel like having sex right now and probably not for the next few months either. That’s the mental situation I’m going through right now. I have to get out of it myself.” Holi wants couples who are facing such a situation to talk openly about it. She says, “People say that relationships change after the arrival of the child, but the truth is when you yourself are going through that phase.”
What do experts say?
Obstetrician and gynecologist Dr. Jennifer Lincoln says that there can be many reasons for women not having sex after delivery. She explains, “The body needs a lot of rest after delivery. It takes about six weeks for the uterus to return to its original position. Injuries to the vagina or perineum also heal slowly.”
Apart from this, hormonal changes also occur very rapidly in women at this time. These changes may also affect their sexual desire. He said, “In such a situation, the level of hormones like estrogen and progesterone in the body of women suddenly falls. Lack of estrogen can cause physical changes. This can cause dryness in the vagina. This can cause pain during sex.” “People often think that menopause causes rapid changes in women’s hormone levels. But in fact, these changes are greatest around the time of delivery,” says Dr. Jennifer Lincoln.
professional advice
Its effect is not limited to pregnant women only. Frankie, who became a mother three months ago, is a listener of CBB’s Parenting Helpline. He says that in those days his male partners were away from sex. She says, “I hate my body right now. I just wish my partner would pay a little more attention to me. But he’s not interested in sex anymore.” I feel weird.” Therapist Rachel Gold says men sometimes have difficulty expressing their feelings.
According to him, “Becoming a father can lead to feelings of responsibility in men. This can be a major reason why they take less interest in sex.” Fleur Parker, of antenatal charity NCT, says dealing with these emotions is not usually a priority for men. “While it can be helpful to talk openly about your feelings with your partner, don’t assume they know what’s going on or what’s going through your mind,” she says.
Jennifer suggests that couples who are going through difficulties should seek help. According to her, “Some new parents adapt easily, knowing that intimacy will return naturally, while others go through a lot of stress.” “If it’s causing serious stress in the relationship, I would suggest seeking professional help, whether it’s couples counseling, sex therapy, or getting any persistent physical problems checked out,” she says. Yes.”
Some important advice from experts
It is important to consider lack of sexual desire as normal. Understanding that this is completely normal and not just a mental condition takes away the pressure to look for other causes.
Women who are going through such changes should be patient with their body’s natural healing process.
Talk openly with your partner about your needs and expectations.