Ever feel like your partner constantly plays the victim and blames you for everything that goes wrong? You’re not alone. Experts say this pattern of behaviour, known as victim mentality, is becoming increasingly common in relationships and can take a serious toll on emotional intimacy.
Often rooted in past trauma or unresolved experiences, it is a clinically recognised behaviour that can strain even the strongest relationships.
In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Dr Vandana V. Prakash – a clinical psychologist with 30 years of experience in psychotherapy and psycho-diagnostics, who is currently associated with Max Hospital, Vaishali – discusses the rising prevalence of victim mentality in relationships, particularly within marriages. She outlines the key signs to recognise this behaviour and shares strategies that can not only support a person struggling with victim mentality but also foster a healthier, more balanced relationship.
What is victim mentality?
Dr Prakash defines victim mentality as “marked by a general sense that one’s unhappiness or circumstances are completely due to the fault of others. Those who play victim deflect blame and responsibility on others.” She flags victim mentality as a serious issue in close relationships, with the potential possibility of breaking up marriages. The psychologist highlights, “Persons who have this mentality often overwhelm the partner by excessive blame, complain how nothing has worked for them, and due to others’ fault, they are powerless to change their circumstances.” This could sometimes stem from childhood experiences of trauma and is used as a coping mechanism by the person.
How to recognise victim mentality?
Dr Prakash lists the following as key signs of recognising victim mentality in your partner.
- Great amount of worrying
- Constant complaints
- Rejection of advice given
- Repeating the same problem without efforts to find a solution
- Hearing but not listening
- Emotionally uninvolved with life partner
- Expectations of being looked after, but always dissatisfied that it was not enough
- Feeling unloved and uncared for, despite the opposite being true.
How to manage victim mentality?
If you notice these signs in your partner, Dr. Prakash recommends taking proactive, healthy steps to address the issue.
- Listen and empathise, but don’t always agree
- Point out their thinking
- Help them take responsibility
- Help them love themselves
- Help them in accepting others
However, the psychologist mentions that these strategies, despite being effective, take a fairly long time to manifest substantial changes. If all else fails, she recommends seeking help from a mental health professional.