Divorced Story: It is said that if love, money and career everything goes well then the relationship is not broken. But here we are going to tell the story of a man, where both of them together decided to do something new, but within a year his wife left him.
Husband Wife Relationship: My wife and I were running an award-winning wellness retreat in Fiji, business was growing rapidly. I felt that my married life was also going on happily. But at the age of 41, she suddenly left me. Initially I did not understand why this happened, but looking back, I understand that the signs of this happening were already present. The story is of James Davis, who has written the book The Midlife Male Handbook. In which he shares tools for a better life mentally, physically and emotionally for men after 40. So let us tell his complete story.
According to the story published in The i Paper, James lives in London. In the year 2011, he left London with his wife and came to Fiji. He tells that I used to work in media and she was in private banking. We both wanted to get out of the corporate rat race and have a better life. We did not have children, so we took this step without thinking much. We started running our business in Fiji. But after three years everything fell apart. My wife said she is unhappy and wants a divorce. I was completely shocked. This was completely unexpected for me and I could not understand what happened. I never thought this would happen to me.
Wife left both business and country
Suddenly the wife left both the business and the country and went back to the UK. I started handling everything alone. I wanted to save the relationship, but we got divorced within a year. James says that looking back today, I understand that the signs were already there. Our business was swallowing everything. Both of us were more involved than necessary, but my role in the relationship was also weak. I could not provide them security and emotional support. There was so much focus on career that I avoided emotions.
I see this pattern in my clients too. Men often suppress their emotions and hope that everything will work out on its own. Women are able to share their problems with friends.
empty house and loneliness
For several months after the divorce, I could not accept this truth. I started feeling that after 40 no one would be interested in me. I was devastated, my self-esteem was shattered. I kept trying to show everything was fine on the outside, but on the inside I was extremely upset. Returning to the empty flat, I started drinking wine alone, not a lot, but more than before. I threw myself into exercise. Felt that at least I could keep my body under control. Body fat dropped below 10 percent, a six-pack was formed, but inside I felt tired and hollow.
focus on mental health
Soon I realized that just focusing on the body is not the solution to the real problem. I was running on adrenalin, no direction. I had to work on my mental health. Despite having a background in psychology and coaching, I felt the need for outside help. I joined meditation retreats and took therapy for three months. I realized that I had a role in the breakdown of my marriage. Business had engulfed me so much that there was no time left for relationships or for myself. Despite living on a beautiful island, I was not able to live it. I learned that it is not right to compromise too much in a relationship. Moving forward, I decided to set my boundaries and communicate my needs clearly.
New beginning, new life
James further explains that gradually I changed the way of exercise, instead of strict workout I adopted balance training. Sleep improved, energy returned and positive changes in mood. I became more calm, patient and happy. It was during this time that I met Claire, whose marriage had also fallen apart around the same time. She moved to Fiji in 2016 after long-distance dating. Today we are married and living in the UK, running a podcast and coaching business – The Midlife Mentors. My experiences also inspired me to write a book.
Read more: Premanand Maharaj Relationship Tips: What to do if your partner ignores you? Know the advice of Premanand Maharaj ji
Advice for Midlife Men
My advice to men going through divorce is to give yourself time. Don’t try to fix everything right away. Focus on inner work more than external things like money, fit body, expensive holidays. Learn self-compassion, accept your feelings, and don’t hesitate to seek help.
Also read: ‘In what situation should a husband abandon his wife’, know what Premanand Ji Maharaj said?