Mother Girlfriends Conflict: My mother used to send dirty messages to my girlfriend, and I was unaware of this. But one day when I saw it on his mobile, I was stunned. My girlfriend did not tell me anything, fearing that there might be a rift in the relationship.
Emotional Relationship Story: I am 36 years old and my girlfriend is 32. I am a person whom very few things in life can shake. That’s why my friends jokingly call me the ‘stoic, emotionally-constipated idiot’, and to be honest, that’s not wrong at all. But my girlfriend is completely opposite to me – calm, soft, understanding and very kind. Perhaps this is the reason why people are surprised how we both get along with each other so well.
But recently I came to know a truth which shook me to my core. I came to know that my mother had been sending dirty, abusive and hurtful messages to my girlfriend for a long time. Now I am unable to understand how to handle this situation. The young man surrounded by this pain is putting his story in front of the world and is asking for advice so that he can take the right steps and support his partner properly. The person narrated the entire incident on Reddit and asked what should I do in such a situation.
know each other for 10 years
The man told that he has been living with his girlfriend for 8 years. Both have known each other for 10 years. He is a professor and a very calm, soft-hearted person. She is one of the kindest human beings in the world. She’s also a little shy and goofy and funny. I love every aspect of her. I have never loved anyone so much in my life.
When I looked at my mobile, my mother’s truth came out.
But what happened last night shook me to my core. I accidentally saw the messages sent by my mother in his chat. Which I am now unable to get out of my mind. What happened was that my phone was on charge. I had taken his mobile to watch Insta reels. We both do this often. Then a DM from one of her friends came. I usually send some silly photo to her friend as a joke so she knows it’s me. But this message was not a joke. It was a comforting message from her friend, accompanied by screenshots sent by my girlfriend.
Some messages shook me
I opened those screenshots with some hesitation… and thankfully I did. Because there were many messages from my mother in it. Which were cruel, humiliating, hurtful. The dates of those messages were also different. Meaning, this was not a matter of just one day. I don’t know how long this was going on. My blood boiled after reading some of the messages. My mother had said very bad things to my girlfriend. She had been insulting him many times with her words. Some of the mother’s messages were like this – perhaps he did not propose because you did not give him a child. Men don’t accept placeholders. ‘If you stop dressing like boys and wear make-up, then maybe he will see you not as a friend but as his wife.’ ‘You are taking him away from the family. He used to come home first. ‘Who do you think you are?’ You’re lucky he even brought you home. Girls like you don’t get commitment. ‘You don’t deserve him.’ My heart sank after seeing these messages.
My girlfriend was tolerating this alone
My girlfriend had been silently listening to my mother’s wrong words. She was bearing all this alone. She kept laughing with me and kept walking, hiding her pain. I know she avoids conflict. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Perhaps he felt that this would pit me against my mother. But the truth is that I have chosen my side. And she is not my mother.
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Now I don’t understand what to do.
I have two ways out and I’m confused-
1. Should I gently tell him that I saw the messages, and that I’m with him?
Tell him it’s not his fault, and he doesn’t have to put up with my mother’s mess alone?
2. Or should I talk to my mother myself, and not involve my girlfriend in this?
people’s comments
People on Reddit tried to solve the man’s dilemma. One user advised that if your mother is behaving in such a toxic manner, then you too will have to set limits. First of all, sit your girlfriend down and tell her the truth. Tell him that you saw this message by mistake, but now that the truth is out, you are completely with him. Assure her that she will no longer have to bear this toxic behavior of your mother alone. After this, block your mother from your girlfriend’s phone, so that she cannot send any further wrong messages. Second step: Have a tough talk with your mother. Let them know clearly that this behavior of theirs is unacceptable and that you will set the boundaries for how the conversation will be between the two of you in the future. Another user agreed and said that this kind of language with any stranger is wrong, then such behavior with your partner cannot be tolerated at all.
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