has shared the lesson she wishes she’d learned sooner – and it starts with letting go of the pressure to be seen as ‘girlfriend material’.
Speaking to Women’s Health for her July/August cover interview, the broadcaster and author reflected on the years she spent single before meeting her partner, Tommy Andrews, and how the experience changed her perspective on relationships.
For James, being single between the ages of 27 and 33 helped her realise how much value society places on women’s relationship status.
‘I’d started to find so much single joy – putting love into and interests,’ she says. ‘And it felt frustrating that no matter how much I achieved in my career, nothing mattered because I hadn’t met someone.’
The presenter believes that pressure can lead women to prioritise finding a relationship over finding the right relationship.
‘If women weren’t judged so harshly on their relationship status, maybe they’d make more empowering decisions, or not feel the need to settle,’ she says.
Looking back, James says the biggest shift came when she stopped focusing on how she was perceived by potential partners and started paying more attention to how relationships made her feel.
With the benefit of hindsight, she wishes she’d stopped striving to be considered ‘girlfriend material’ sooner and focused instead on what ‘green flag’, nervous system-regulating relationships look like.
Not long after, she reconnected with Andrews, whom she had previously worked with at Abercrombie & Fitch. The pair now share two children together.
The lesson, James suggests, is that being single shouldn’t be viewed as a problem to solve. Instead, she believes women should be encouraged to build fulfilling lives outside of romantic relationships and feel empowered to wait for partnerships that genuinely support their wellbeing.