Former India cricketer Amit Mishra has opened up about his struggle with depression early in his career. Not long after he made his ODI debut back in 2003, Mishra found himself sidelined from the national team.
That’s when, as Mishra puts it, things took a grim turn. In a chat with former India opener and commentator Aakash Chopra, he admitted he spent over a year in a dark place, feeling completely alone with no one to confide in.
“I went into depression for a year and a half. I kept thinking about what my mistake was. I was playing everywhere, but the only question in my mind was that, ‘what did I do wrong?’,” Mishra said.
He went from the joy of playing for India to suddenly being dropped—not just from the national team but from domestic sides as well. His form dipped and the setbacks seemed relentless.
“I had played for India but got dropped. Then I was not in the Duleep Trophy. I was not in the India A team for zonals. I could not understand what was happening with me. One season went badly.
“Then a selector told me that I was not performing. sat down and thought, and I understood that I was thinking of playing for India itself but not performing in domestic cricket,” Mishra said.
Mishra didn’t have anyone to talk to during this tough period. He kept it all from his family because he didn’t want to add to their worries.
“I had nobody to talk to during my bad time, to be honest. I could not tell my family either. I could not discuss these things with anyone. I was on my own. But I realised that until I perform, things would not work. I was told to work on batting as well, and I did that too. I did decently well in one season, then I was picked for the Duleep Trophy. Then I realised this is how things will work. I had no godfather, so I knew I had to keep proving myself. Even my coach had told me this,” Mishra said.
After working his way back through the domestic circuit, Mishra returned to the Indian team in October 2008 and made his Test debut against Australia. He finished his international career with 22 Tests, 36 ODIs and 10 T20Is for India.
Mishra also carved out a major legacy in the Indian Premier League. He’s among the IPL’s all-time top bowlers, taking 174 wickets in 162 matches and remains the only player to claim three hat-tricks in the tournament’s history.