International Men’s Day, falling on November 19 each year, highlights issues that trouble men. Apart from the obvious larger issues their struggles in communicating with women in a relationship are marked number one.
Here are a few small tips to help make your man happy this International Men’s Day:
Emotional dependency
“Since childhood, men are conditioned to subconsciously suppress emotions and put up a strong front. This often creates an emotional gap and a lack of understanding of their own emotions, feelings, desires, and needs,” shares Avi Gupta, a 21-year-old in a committed relationship. “So, I think what men expect and need most in a relationship is a person who allows them to be their true self, beyond how society has conditioned them to act.” A small affirmation that says “I’m there for you, no matter what may be” goes miles longer than the constant feeling of “You need to change”.
Appreciation and acknowledgement
Despite the strong exterior society has nurtured men to put up, they too desire the same level of routine appreciation and acknowledgement from their female others as the latter do in return. They may refrain from verbally expressing any such desire in order to field off from coming across as needy, but the occasional dose of motivational push can help level up a man’s self-esteem and confidence. “I think routine appreciation by my partner makes me feel more seen in our relationship. Often, her compliments have helped me discover qualities or talents that I myself was unaware of,” shares Vineet Gupta, a 48-year-old married man.
Mutual respect
For women, respect comes from small acts of love such as cleaning up after dinner or going the extra mile in other routine matters. Men, on the other hand, appreciate verbal acts of respect over tangible ones. Give your partner the space to be their own person instead of questioning them at every turn. For them, the ability to be seen as competent and reliable in tasks is respect enough over physical acts indicating the same.
Space and time
Another conflicting point between partners often comes up in the debate of where to draw the line. While women think crossing the boundary and walking into their partner’s space signals care and concern, men often view this as invasion. For them trust reflects the ability to maintain their individual living while knowing that their partner will be supportive of them on a rainy day. “I think personal space in a relationship means developing an identity outside of your partner and maintaining individuality beyond the couple,” adds Avi.
“I also think personal space involves unconditional trust and a non-suffocating environment to discuss anything and everything openly. To be the other person’s emotional support, you need to cultivate a lot of emotional depth outside the relationship.” Vineet reveals how the ability to maintain a balance between personal and shared space from his bachelor to married life has helped sustain his relationship in the long run. Too many instructions or the feeling or being “bossed around” can send a man running for the hills.
Need to please
The most fundamental gap between a couple emerges from the feeling that you’re not enough. Due to biological and socio-historical reasons, men are fundamentally wired to appease their partner. When their partner fails to respond in a completely positive manner to any effort made on their behalf or point holes in what the former saw as a good thing, men often feel attacked and repressed. Their acts of love are their direct representatives and any mistake in this act indicates a larger mistake in them. Women may see this as an attempt to improve their partner but men take this as an assault on their self-worth. Hence, the ease to be pleased in a relationship helps men feel seen.
Unlock the key to your partner’s happiness for a healthy, lasting relationship.